Full-loafing, half-loafing and Ruska's alter ego...

Hello humans!

Lately Ruska talks a lot about cat school.
She went to cat school before she came to live with us. Also before she was pregnant and a Mommy. I don't believe cat school exists and neither does Mommy, but Ruska insists.
She says all outdoor cats that don't have human parents go to cat school. And later on they can teach it to little cats that were luckier in life and had human parents from birth on.

Ruska's favorite subject in cat school was loafing.
She is very good at loafing, I have to say. I envy her a bit.
She taught me how to do a full-loaf. You need to tuck all legs and paws neatly under your belly. Then you wrap your tail around your side, very closely. Then you look like a loaf.
I can only do a full-loaf. Ruska can also do half-loafs. Half-loafs are divided into front-loafs, back-loafs and side-loafs. Side-loafs are divided into right-side-loafs and left-side-loafs.
Theoretically they are easy. You tuck only two legs under your belly. Either both front paws, or both back paws, or both left paws or both right paws.
Ruska can do all the loafs very well. Front loafing is her specialty.

Ruska also has an alter ego.
We found out about that just lately.
Her alter ego is called Seppo and he is the opposite of her. He's very athletic, does not like beefsteak and is a big fan of the vacuum cleaner.
Ruska doesn't like him.
I told Mommy and Daddy that it was Seppo who peed on the floor, not me.
It is also probably Seppo who scratches the wallpaper of the walls and plays with his own poop all over the place. That's not us, no.
Mommy didn't believe me.
Bummer.

It's my birthday soon, by the way.
On Saturday.
You have to buy me presents. I'm turning 2.
Mommy said she found a present which is double-ridiculous. Ridiculous AND ridiculous expensive.
She isn't sure if I can have it yet.
I hope I can.

Byeee!
-Phoebe

p.s. This is me trying a 3/4-loaf. Ruska says it's not a thing. Seppo is impressed.

#Phoebe #cat #black #1/4bengal #hipstercat #meow
#cute #pretty #fun #Monday #catporn #catsofinstagram #instacats #kissa
#katze #pet #fur #sexygirl #cuddly #instapets #petporn

Mommy took it with her Instagram. I don't know what it is. But I know it's a place with many hashtags.
Mommy says petporn sounds wrong and that I am not a sexy girl. Cause I am a cat. That is true, but I saw on Instagram that people lie. They put many wrong hashtags only so more people will click the picture and like it. For example they might post a picture of a tractor and write "#cutebaby". Yes.

The one where Phoebe almost died

Phoebe almost died today. It is true. I am not making this up.

The day started like any day. I wanted some breakfast and I needed to bite Mommy's foot a bit cause I hoped to get it faster. That never works. All I might get is a soft kick in my rear.
Phoebe was sleeping on Mommy's belly in the morning. She never does that. When I asked her why she would do that she said that she heard a song called "If tomorrow never comes." that says that you should show your loved ones that you loved them before it's too late.
Who would have known it was so close to the ultimate disaster? This day I mean?

Mommy and Daddy had bought lots of food for us and then they made food and I got some ham from Daddy when Mommy didn't look, even though it's very bad and everything seemed normal.
Mommy and Daddy watched a movie.
Then Mommy went to call grandpa.
This is when it happened.
Daddy, Phoebe and me were in the sofaroom. Phoebe was playing with a bug, but suddenly she ran away from it and said "ouchie ouchie". She never did that before. It's weird.
Daddy looked at her and at the window and at her and then he grabbed her and screamed to Mommy to get tweezers cause Phoebe was stung by a bee.
WHAT IS A BEE? IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE!!!!!!

Mommy put the phone with grandpa in it aside and helped holding Phoebe down. After she explained to grandpa what had just happened and after Daddy screamed at her to effing help her already.
Phoebe was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if it was because of the bee-thing or because she was held. She really doesn't like being held.

Then they let her go when they had managed to pull the stingiethingie out of Phoebe's paw. They said it has poison. OH GOOOOD.

Daddy went back to the sofaroom. Mommy kept talking to grandpa.
Phoebe was sittin in the hallway and was shaking and mumbling things and looked very frightened.
It's the worst thing if you're the older cat. So helpless. I didn't know what to do. How could I have made things better? I carefully licked her fur a little.
Mommy laughed at it. IT WASN'T FUNNY. I thought Phoebe might die.
Mommy googled if Phoebe could die.
She found out that Phoebe could only die if she was very allergic to the sting of the bee, which, as we found out, actually was the sting of a wasp. Mommy and Daddy mixed it up, cause bees lose their stingiethingie after they stung. And the stingiethingie was in Phoebe's paw so it must have been a bee. But it wasn't.
Anymeow - I went to avenge Phoebe when I found out the wasp was still up and running. Daddy tried to catch it in the living room. Daddy screamed and shooed me away when I came to help. Twice.
Pffff.

Phoebe didn't die after all.
Her front right paw is much bigger than before. Even bigger than mine.
It looks funny. She says it itches much but doesn't hurt. She's playing and eating as if nothing had happened.

This is Phoebe's paw 20 minutes after the sting.

4 hours later it is even bigger.
Mommy can't stop laughing.
How mean.
(It really is funny actually.)

-Ruska

Why does nobody love me?

Hello humans!!

It has been almost two weeks again since we posted here. Ruska says it was actually yesterday and the blog was just counting all wrong. Mommy said it had really been two weeks. That is rather shocking. Time goes fast. We have the same problem as after we moved - Mommy keeps looking for works and that's why she needs to be on this machine all the time.
That means we can't write anything.
When Mommy is at work, we don't really know how to get the machine started.

I want some work as well. Mostly cause I wanna have a holiday, just like Daddy.
If you don't work, you can't have a holiday. That is very sad. Holidays seem to be an awesome thing.

Daddy keeps getting visitors as it seems.
Mommy only gets her Mommy, our grandma.
Tomorrow Mommy has a holiday, too, and she will meet grandma.
I like grandma, but grandma doesn't like me. She likes Ruska much more. Everyone likes Ruska much more.
That's not fair. Ruska is chubby and weird and paranoid.
I am slim and athletic and fun and cute. Why does not anyone like me?
When I was still a tiny little cat everyone made "awww" when they saw me.
Now nobody does that anymore.
I think it is probably because Ruska has many colors. Not many cats have many colors.
But many cats are black. I sometimes heard someone say that black cats are boring.
Some even think black cats bring bad luck.
Our brother Mikko is black as well. Nobody dislikes him though. Probably cause there isn't a cat with many colors around him to compare.
I heard when someone doesn't like someone else cause of their color, that is called racism and it's bad.
Maybe I should dye myself.
Like a rainbow.
Then I would look more special than Ruska.

Look how much more cute and special than Ruska I was when I was little.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. That means there will be the TV show with the one girl and many boys that want to be in love with the girl.
There used to be the same with many girls and one boy, but it wasn't so much fun.
Mommy, Ruska and me are always watching it and decide which of the boys we would want to be in love with, if we were that girl in the show.
Ruska votes for Aurelio. Mommy really doesn't like him. Me neither. Mommy says he's fake and his arrogance annoys her. I agree. Ruska loves how calm and slow he does everything he does. Typical for her. She also likes the doctor, but he is sometimes too excited.
I vote for Manuel. Mommy really doesn't like him. Ruska even less. He is always all over the place and Ruska says he would probably give her a heart attack.
Mommy can't decide who she'd want. Either Marvin or Tommy. But probably she will stay with Daddy, I guess.

Lat but not least: some pictures.

Ruska being cute.

Me being artsy.

Ruska doing yoga.

Byeeee humans!

-Phoebe

He's just not that into you!

Hello humans!

I have to write here, cause Ruska is busy. Busy writing a postcard to be exact. A postcard to Jekku.
It all started with her finding out that Jekku's girlfriend is actually a boyfriend. Or rather boy friend. Guy friend. You know where I am getting.
Even though I told her they might be gay, too.
Gay is when a boycat likes a boycat or a girlcat likes a girlcat.
I know that. Mommy taught me. It involves rainbows, too, but I didn't quite get that part.

Ruska said that's nonsense.
She saw the signs, she says.
Well, I'd guess the signs might have been a bit blurry with all them hearts flying out of her eyes you know?

Anyways, she decided to write to Jekku now.
I doubt he remembers her name.

The problem is... we mastered the typing with our pawsies, you just have to be careful to hit the right key. But you can always correct it if you by accident his many at once.
Real writing is not that easy. It started with Ruska not being able to hold the pen. She tried it with one paw, with two paws, with her mouth and her tail, but the pen just won't stay the way it needs to stay for color to come out of it.
Probably it's better that way, cause even if Ruska could write the postcard, she couldn't send it, as she does not know Jekku's address.
She is convinced that it's enough if she addresses it to "Jekku" and throws it out of the window.
I told her it doesn't work like that, but she said I'm just a silly little kitten that knows nuthin.
And then people think that I am the immature one of us. *sigh*

Just so you know if Ruska never writes anything to the blog ever again - she'll be busy trying to master the pen-writing.

So long, hoomans!

-Pheebs

Heat and prisons and friends!

Hello?
HELLO?
Humans?
Do you copy?
HUMANS?
DO YOU... does this work?
DO YOU COPY?
DO. YO- what was that, Phoebe?
Oh. Oh, okay. We are free. Okay. So you do copy.

Hello humans!

Please excuse the confusion, but we were just imprisoned.
You must understand my anxiety.

We were imprisoned, yes, yes indeed, by - and now wait for it - none other than our very own Mommy.
YES! It's unbelievable, isn't it?
She gave us many treats and we were very happy and then we were suddenly in the litterboxroom and the door was closed and we were inside and couldn't get out. We could only hear Mommy saying something about being "so very sorry" and then screaming for "airairair" and then we could hear her opening the windows. All the windows. They rarely open all the windows, because Mommy is worried that we might jump out of all the windows. When they are open.
I put my paw through the tiny space under the door. There was a lot of wind and I could hear Mommy running around.
Phoebe was lying down on the little carpet. The one she usually pees on. She said there was no sense in trying to get out and probably Mommy just wanted some bit of air and then we would get out again.
HOW COULD SHE EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT....??? I mean.... okay, she was right. But still... how could we have known? It seemed like the certain death.
But Phoebe was right and we got out and Mommy poured many more treats on the floor and laughed nervously and said something about "no reason to be offended" and "best Mommy ever, right?" Phoebe agreed. I asked her if she really forgave Mommy just that easily.
But Phoebe had already forgotten what Mommy had done to us and happily ate her treats.
Nobody is sane in here.

Things are weird, too, cause Daddy is at home.
Usually, Daddy is not at home.
Mommy used to be at home. During the day I mean. That was when she needed the work. I hope Daddy still has work now and does not need some again. Daddy calls it holiday.
The funny thing is... he isn't actually home. He is home, but then he isn't.
There are many friends of Daddy here lately. I asked Mommy if she didn't have any friends, cause there was only that one friend and then Mommy's cousin. She told me to shut it or I'd never get beefsteak again.
Unfaaaaair.
Then Mommy said that our friends neither ever visited us. That is actually true.
Well, granny died, unfortunately, so she can't come. But Jekku didn't show since we moved. Neither did Casey. Not even Mikko, our brother, even though he lives so close now!
Mommy said it takes manymuch time and money to visit, so people can't do that just that easily.
And that she hasn't visited anyone and neither did we and we couldn't blame noone.
Maybe I should write Jekku and Casey a postcard. Well, maybe not Casey, he didn't like me. Phoebe can write to him. I should write to Jekku, I heard rumors there is a new girl in his life. That's how fast he forgot about me. I'm heartbroken.
I will only date beefsteak from now on. Until I die.

Last but not least, here is a picture of me on the new blanket that Mommy got from a friend.

Pretty, huh?

Byeee humans!
-Ruska

Pizza Day!

It's pizza day.
Daddy and Mommy decided to order pizza today.
Ruska said that she wanted some too. She wanted some with beefsteak on top and the bottom also made of beefsteak. I said I wanted the same, but she said I could not have the same, because it was her idea. That's mean. Then Daddy suggested tuna pizza. I said I wanted that, but Ruska said I couldn't have it, cause it was Daddy's idea. Then I said I want a four season cat pizza. That is a pizza with crust made from dry cat food and then you spread cat pudding on it and then you put tuna, salmon, shrimps and cooked chicken meat there. And cheese on top. Ruska turned red and purple and green and then said she wanted that, too.
THAT'S NOT FAIR! It was MY idea!
But I am not sure if there will be any pizza for anyone, cause Daddy is driving a car in the machine and is talking to himself, I think. At least I don't hear anyone else talk. First I thought he talked to me, but he said things like "Lets go shoot him." and I don't even have a gun. Hmh.
Mommy keeps saying pizza is bad and will make us all even fatter than we are.
That's not fair, only Ruska is fat, so only Ruska should not get pizza.
Maybe I should pee somewhere, maybe they would order pizza then?

I also tried to dye my fur. I wanted to leave my head and back and tip of my tail black and then dye one red stripe starting from my chest going all the way around my sides and my butt and back to the front to my chest and then dye my legs and my belly yellow.
I would look like the flags on the cars and everywhere. I would be a walking blackredyellow and everyone would love me here. I guess.
It appears everyone here loves everything blackredyellow.
Mommy says that shit will go down tonight.
Blackredyellow will play against bluewhitebluewithsomeyellow.
And if blackredyellow wins, we won't be able to sleep all night, cause humans have no brains. Or something similar.
If they don't win, the country will be blown up and we all die.
I guess.

Oh well.

I want that pizza now.

-Phoebe

Here's me and Ruska being cute.

I don't like trees.

Hello humans!

Still not much beefsteak in sight. We got some pudding though. That's something, right?
I mean, it's real pudding only for cats. Humans can't eat it. Cats can. Mommy says that it is really extremely super unhealthy, but once in a while we should be allowed to eat a little bit of unhealthy.
I wonder if beefsteak is unhealthy?
I mean, it must be, because we get it so rarely. Then again, Mommy once said that beefsteak is very good for cats. That does not make any sense at all!

More news: the horrible car is gone! JACKPOT!
I totally got around sitting in it even. That's good.
Phoebe is sad about the car being gone.... she is worried she might not be able to ever go to the grim reeper again. What's the heck is wrong with that little lunatic?
Why would she even....?
Oh, nevermind.

Also.... the ballthing is still going on much.
It appears the blackredyellow ones that everyone who lives here has to find awesome are doing pretty well. I heard people say that they will be the master of the world. Or something like that.
Anyways, I think that's something special. Not everyone can be master of the world. What a title. If there was a master of the cat world, that would be me.

Mommy's arm looks funny, too. She sticks gluey things onto it and say they will heal it. Or something. She can't really move it cause she fell off a tree. Or something.
Now she is looking over my shoulder and tells me I am not supposed to write that she fell off a tree, because that is how rumors are started according to her.
Well, she did say something with trees and falling, so that must be it. What more options can there be?
Anyways, I never liked trees. When I was still and outside cat I made a hhhuuuge circle around them. Some of my friends climbed at them. One got stuck once. Humans had to come with portable stairs and help him down. Ahhh, good old times!
But trees, really, no thanks!

Mommy also got herself some new fur.
You know how humans feel the need to continuously change their fur. In the morning, in the evening, depending on the weather or what they plan on doing.... so complicated.
But I like the new fur Mommy bought today. It's evening fur. The back legs have cats on the knees and on the belly there is a Polaroid photo of three cats with some hashtags under them. So basically, the fur looks much like me and our blog. Mommy said it reminded her of me, so she bought it. That's so cute.

Goodbye, humans!